Emily Tibljas, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) #14891 is a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) at MyLife Counselling in Guelph. She works with adults through anxiety, depression, student Issues, life transitions, substance use, addiction, and stress management. Learn more about Emily here.

Practicing Self-Compassion

I think we can all relate to being hard on ourselves, feeling frustrated with what we’re doing (or not doing). I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “you are your own worst critic”. Unfortunately, these negative strategies don’t improve our well-being or bring about the changes we hope to see, and oftentimes end up leaving us feeling worse and unmotivated. So how can we stop this cycle of negativity? Great question! This is where self-compassion plays an important role.

What is Self-Compassion?

Essentially, self-compassion is the act of being kind, accepting, and nonjudgmental towards ourselves- especially towards the parts we may not like very much. This probably sounds uncomfortable, or possibly even scary to do because we are used to seeing only one perspective and believing it to be the truth.

When we can stop to ask ourselves, “how else can I look at this?”, or “how would someone else see this?”, we can begin to create more space for self-acceptance, which is more likely to reduce the pain and discomfort we’re sitting in and generally help us feel better.

Sometimes it feels like we live in a world where it’s okay for people to make mistakes, as long as we’re not the ones making the mistakes. This pressure can make everything feel high-stakes, and potentially contribute to feelings of depression or anxiety. Then, the more we internalize the importance of being perfect, the harder it is to believe that we’re capable of being perfect – however you want to define perfect. Sounds a bit like a never-ending battle, doesn’t it? This is where I tend to introduce self-compassion with clients to first work to lift the heavy pressure they’re feeling, and secondly, to remind them this is not a battle they need to fight alone.

While this topic can lead to in-depth and ongoing discussions, let’s start with a few steps of how we can get started.

A Quick Guide to Practice Self-Compassion

  1.  Check in with yourself & your feelings – If you’re noticing you’re being hard on yourself, the chances are there’s some frustration (and maybe a few more emotions) brewing. Acknowledgement and validation of our emotions are key, and in doing so we can gain a better understanding of ourselves.
  2. Shift your perspective – Insert the golden question, “what would you say to your best friend if they were in your current situation?”. Nine times out of ten, we can feel and convey compassion for others almost immediately – this is incredible! And it shows us that we are perfectly capable of accepting someone as a whole human, flaws and all, without judgment. So, the supportive response you gave your best friend, let’s redirect that towards yourself.
  3. Rinse & Repeat – Just like any activity or exercise you’re new to, it requires learning and practice. There may be times where it feels harder to implement than others, and that’s perfectly okay – what’s important is that you continue practicing.

When we can practice self-compassion regularly, we become familiar with what it feels like to be supportive of and comfort ourselves, which helps shift the default reaction of criticism and judgment, to a more mindful and helpful response. Self-compassion is a powerful tool in our journey of self-improvement and understanding, and it can be a helpful topic to address in therapy.

Emily Tibljas, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) #14891 is a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) at MyLife Counselling in Guelph. She works with adults through anxiety, depression, student Issues, life transitions, substance use, addiction, and stress management. Learn more about Emily here.

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