Connect 4: The Power of Connection

Milton Bradley first released the game, Connect 4, in 1974. This is a two player game in which players drop coloured discs into a suspended grid with the strategy of connecting 4 of their own colors diagonally, horizontally or vertically, while at the same time trying to block their opponent from doing the same. The first player to connect 4 of their colors wins the game. (Wikipedia). Thinking about this game recently reminded me of the “wins” that can occur when we have social and human connection.

We need human interaction. We need touch. We need presence. We need socialization. Without it, we are prone to depression, anxiety, lack of empathy, loneliness and suicide.

This can also lead to physical illnesses because of the stress on the body when we are left without human contact. “Touch Starvation/Touch Deprivation” has the potential to increase heart rate, increase blood pressure, increase muscle tension, suppress digestion and the immune system, and can lead to heart attacks, diabetes, hypertension and asthma. (https://www.tmc.edu/news/2020/05/touch-starvation/)

Some researchers believe that hugging for 10-20 seconds has the ability to reduce stress, help combat loneliness and help shift moods by stimulating particular hormones in the body such as dopamine (the feel good hormone), serotonin (an antidepressant hormone) and oxytocin (love and closeness hormone).

Some physiological and psychological changes occur when we experience touch or connection in an intimate or meaningful way. Touch allows us to feel safe. It brings us comfort. Touch stimulates us. (https://www.medicinenet.com/how_do_hugs_make_you_feel/article.htm)

Connection is important!!!

Enter COVID-19. Connection, as we previously knew it, has been turned upside down and inside out. Now, more than ever, there is the need to stay connected-to help one another stay psychologically and physiologically healthy. We have become creative with our interactions and socialization in spite of the restrictions to try and reduce the impact of the virus. I have loved hearing stories about how families/friends are using social media, parking lots and even grocery stores to engage with one another.

How can we continue to connect? Touch? Socialize?

My “Connect 4” suggestions include:

1. Connecting with those family or friends in your bubble

Let’s not stop hugging, cuddling, kissing, or caressing. Touch is needed now more than ever. Play games together; walk or exercise together, grow plants, build forts, etc.

2. Connect digitally

Technology and social media has some positive benefits. We can use social platforms to “greet, meet, eat and repeat.” While this is not ideal, for now, it still allows connection, even though it does not allow touch. We can still observe some body language, (although again, limited), we can “sit” with each other virtually and enjoy a coffee or meal, (I know lots of families who are doing this for Christmas dinner.) and we can play virtual games.

3. Make a phone call or do FaceTime

There is so much comfort in hearing a voice or seeing a face. Make it a priority to pick up the phone and call someone that you probably haven’t spoken to in a while or that you have been thinking of. This small, but significant action, could be the encouragement that someone or yourself needs.

4. Plan Social Distancing events

Plan a distance bbq with neighbours across fences. Have a backyard winter fire. Have a hot-chocolate-drinking-tail-gate-social-distancing gathering. Again, these activities allow for conversation, observance of facial and body language, laughter and listening ears.

Friends, these times are challenging. Do what you can to stay engaged and connected. We are meant to connect-we are not meant to go it alone. Find your helpers. Connect with your bubble. Stick with your village. Hug. Love. Touch. Make eye contact. Smile. Laugh. Cry. Connect.