Katherine Schmidt

Katherine Schmidt, RP #8442 is a Registered Psychotherapist at MyLife Counselling in Guelph. She works with individuals 18yrs and up through anxiety, depression, relationship issues, and grief. Learn more about Katherine here.

Tips for Managing Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is one of the most common forms of anxiety and can also be the most impactful. Whether mild or severe, it can change the way we interact with others, impact our ability to make personal and professional relationships, and even alter the way in which we view ourselves.

Why do we have social anxiety?

Human beings are herd-based mammals, which means that our brain operates in a way that prioritizes connection with others as a means of survival. According to our brain, being in connection and accepted by other people is vitally important because it means access to safety, mates and resources, and community and support. If our acceptance feels at all threatened, our nervous system’s alarm system (fight or flight system) gets activated, and this means that we begin to feel anxious. However, in today’s world, we do not need other people to like us all the time to survive. Other people can hate us, but we can go to the grocery store.

Okay, so how do we manage this?

Usually deeper, therapeutic work, along with continuous effort is required by you, for your nervous system to become less activated by these situations in time. However, there are things that we can do in the moment to help manage these feelings of anxiety.

1. Take Breaks to Regulate

If you are in a social situation, take breaks from too many stimuli. Our nervous system is already a little on edge, which means too much sensory input can make us feel a little irritated and more anxious. Take breaks by going into a quieter space for a small period (even if it is the bathroom) to take deep breaths, play a game on your phone, or listen to something soothing.
Also take breaks in between social events! This might involve careful planning by taking time, however, do what is right for you, between social events as to not get too overstimulated. Being in a heightened nervous system state takes a lot of energy, so be sure to take breaks when you need to.

2. Mindful Moments

Take a mindful moment during those quiet times we talked about above. This could be doing a guided breathing exercise, paying attention to the sensation of the water on your hands when washing them, or name how many sounds you can hear (including your own breathing).

3. Celebrate the Good

People who experience social anxiety tend to dissect the event after it has happened and pick out all the things, they thought they did wrong. Sometimes, we cannot stop our brain from doing this. It is trying to review “mistakes” to protect ourselves for next time. Instead, we can balance this out by pointing out the “good things” or the things we thought went well! This can sometimes give us a more balanced view on the situation and create (hopefully) less anxiety the next time.

4. Avoid Avoidance

Anxiety tries to make us avoid the things that make us anxious. However, in doing so, it ends up reinforcing the idea that it is something worth avoiding! So, if you find yourself avoiding an aspect of a social interaction, or the interaction all together, see if you can do a “micro-version” of the interaction. For example, if you are avoiding talking to your boss at a work function, wave to them or say “hi.”

5. The Three Questions

Our brain is exceptionally good with producing the worst-case scenario, especially in social interactions! Again, we cannot stop our brain from doing this because it feels it is trying to protect us by warning us, but instead, we can try and create balance in our thoughts by asking the “Three Questions,” which are:

  1. What is the worst-case scenario? (we are already asking this)
  2. What is the best-case scenario?
  3. What is the most realistic/most likely to happen?

Our thoughts are not facts, and they are also not the truth! It is important to create balance in this area where we can.
While it is likely everyone feels a degree of anxiety in a social situation, social anxiety can be pervasive and difficult. Connecting with a therapist to dig into your own experience with social anxiety and to build skills to help manage these feelings can be incredibly beneficial in helping you create a rich social life that is meaningful to you.

Katherine Schmidt

Katherine Schmidt, RP #8442 is a Registered Psychotherapist at MyLife Counselling in Guelph. She works with individuals 18yrs and up through anxiety, depression, relationship issues, and grief. Learn more about Katherine here.

Share This Post

About Our Counsellors

Need to Ask Questions First?

Check out our FAQ

Call 1-800-828-9484 or e-mail us today