Marina Daif, RP (Qualifying) #11207 is a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) at MyLife Counselling in Guelph. She works with couples and adults through relationships, anxiety, depression, addictions, grief & loss, self-esteem, self-criticism, and self-confidence issues. Learn more about Marina here.

The Importance of Embracing Negative Emotions

Dealing with negativity is an inevitable part of the human experience. In fact, our brains are wired to focus more closely on the negatives than the positives. This is referred to as “negativity bias,” and it is thought of as an evolutionary function to help us avoid harmful situations (Norris, 2019). This means we store negative information in our brains more readily than positive information, which can be detrimental if we do not know how to effectively manage our negativity bias.

Ironically, dealing effectively with our negativity does not always involve focusing on the positives. In fact, dismissing the negatives in favor of the positives can sometimes be harmful to our wellbeing. It is more beneficial for us to learn how to embrace our negative emotions rather than numb them with distractions. The more we try to avoid negative emotions, the stronger they become even if we are not consciously aware of it. This is because negative emotions require our attention just as much as positive emotions do.

“Toxic” Positivity

Although it may sound strange, emphasizing a positive outlook in the face of hardships can sometimes deter us from healing and moving forward in a healthy way. While positive thinking is a powerful tool for personal growth and happiness, it can sometimes lead to suppressing important negative emotions. However, emotions such as sadness, anger, fear, and stress are equally essential to our emotional resilience and personal development. There is a time and place to practice positive thinking, but it is important not to weaponize it.

The concept of “toxic positivity” has recently become a popular topic of discussion. It refers to the pressure to always maintain a positive outlook. However, relentlessly focusing on the positives can dismiss the validity of pain and struggles, leading us to feel guilty, ashamed, or inadequate when we struggle with hardships.

When we suppress feelings of sadness, anger, or anxiety, we avoid confronting the very emotions that can lead to a deeper level of self-understanding and self-awareness. Pretending everything is okay and ignoring negative feelings can lead to emotional numbness, chronic stress, anxiety disorders, and depression. This is because negative feelings that are ignored tend to fester behind the scenes. Instead, by allowing ourselves to experience and process these difficult emotions, we can avoid the implications of denial and repression.

Appreciating the Full Spectrum of Human Emotions

Human emotions are complex. Developing emotional intelligence begins by recognizing that all emotions, whether positive or negative, have validity, meaning, and purpose. Negative emotions provide us with crucial information about ourselves, others, and our environment. For instance, anger can be a response to injustice or a sign that our boundaries have been crossed. Sadness can stem from unaddressed grief, loss, or a need for deeper emotional connections. Anxiety might signal uncertainty or the need for change, and fear can serve as a protective mechanism in threatening situations. All these negative emotions invite us to address important matters in our lives.

By embracing negative emotions, we acknowledge the richness of the human experience and interact more fully with situations. Just as we would not appreciate light without darkness, we may not fully value joy without understanding pain. It is through the full spectrum of emotions that we can live wholly and authentically, accepting both the highs and lows of life. Facing difficult emotions allows us to gain deeper insight into our needs, values, and desires, and it also allows us to build important people skills like compassion and empathy.

Cultivating Compassion and Connection

Embracing negative emotions enables us to deepen our interpersonal connections. When we openly communicate about our struggles, we invite others to do the same. Vulnerability helps us create more meaningful connections by fostering empathy and understanding. As human beings, it is important to recognize our collective experience of both joy and suffering to cultivate compassion for ourselves and others. Giving ourselves permission to feel emotions deeply helps us create a more accepting and compassionate inner dialogue, which can in turn impact how we treat those around us.

Building Emotional Resilience and Personal Growth

While suppressing negative emotions helps us avoid discomfort in the short term, it also prevents us from building inner strength. Embracing negative emotions helps us learn to cope with them constructively and improves our ability to bounce back more quickly from future difficulties. Emotional resilience refers to our ability to withstand and recover from difficult experiences. Hence, when we face our negative emotions directly, we build on this resilience. Having resilience is a crucial skill to have as life is guaranteed to be difficult at times. By experiencing and proactively dealing with difficult feelings, we demonstrate to ourselves that we can thrive despite our emotional pain. Additionally, negative emotions can be powerful catalysts for growth and change when managed constructively. For instance, we can utilize our anger to initiate social justice movements and our stress to create solutions to issues. Rather than view negative emotions as barriers, it is helpful to view them as opportunities to gain experience and transform our lives.

Helpful Steps to Take

Below are practical steps you can take to start embracing your negative emotions more fully and constructively:

Acknowledge and Label Your Feelings: When you label your feelings, you build on your emotional self-awareness. One helpful way to improve your “feelings vocabulary” is by utilizing the feelings wheel. You can find it online with a quick Google search. The feelings wheel has different feelings to prompt your self-reflection. It is also designed to illustrate the connection between different feelings so that you may better understand how one feeling can relate to, or feed into, another.

Engage in Mindful Reflection: Mindfulness teaches us to observe our emotions without judgment, self-criticism, or labelling the feelings as “bad” or “wrong.” In turn, this helps us to react less impulsively to our emotional experiences and build more awareness around how we would like to respond or act. Simply notice how you are feeling and refrain from acting on your feelings until you are calmer. Being able to sit with difficult emotions and accept their presence without putting up a fight is key to becoming more intentional with how you manage and present yourself.

Keep a Feelings Journal: Journaling about your feelings can be a constructive outlet and an opportunity to better process them. You can dedicate this activity to create a safe space for yourself to be emotionally vulnerable and honest. The goal is not necessarily to find a solution and it is not about fixing how you feel. The goal is to allow yourself to stay connected to your emotional experience and prevent yourself from bottling up your feelings, which would be detrimental to your health and wellbeing.

Seek Support: Talking about your feelings with a trusted individual can also help you better process and make sense of them, and it can help you feel less alone in your struggles. Seeking support can also provide you with different insights and perspectives that may help you navigate difficulties more effectively, or it can simply provide you with much-needed empathy and validation.

Do Not Fight with Yourself

Remember, the more you try to fight away your negative feelings, the stronger they become. That said, embracing your negative feelings is not about wallowing in self-pity or despair, and it is not about rejecting positivity. Instead, it is about learning to appreciate, accept, and love yourself through the troubled times just as much as the good times. Doing so will help you become a more resilient individual, foster more meaningful relationships with others, and open yourself up to continuous personal growth.

Marina Daif, RP (Qualifying) #11207 is a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) at MyLife Counselling in Guelph. She works with couples and adults through relationships, anxiety, depression, addictions, grief & loss, self-esteem, self-criticism, and self-confidence issues. Learn more about Marina here.

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