How To Support Your Child With Back-To-School Worries

Back to school can be an exciting time for many, but some children and teens can start to feel anxiety creep in weeks before school begins.

Younger children can sometimes have difficulty sharing their feelings of anxiety.

Here are some common signs your child  or teenager is feeling anxious:

• difficulty sleeping or nightmares
• increased temper tantrums especially around reminders of school
• increased fighting with their siblings
• increased ‘clinginess’ or wanting to spend more time with family – or withdrawing from family and friends
• tummy aches or complaints about physical symptoms
• Asking repeated questions about school

There are many ways to support your child in feeling more confident about starting a new school year. The best place to start is to ask your child or teenager if they’re feeling nervous or worried about the new year. You can work together with your child or teen to identify what part of the school year can be making them feel that way. For example, many children worry that they will have a mean teacher, and many teens worry about the workload or about how their relationships with their peers may change after the summer.

Instead of telling your child not to worry (it’s not as simple as just ‘not worrying!’), you could try some of the strategies below. It can also be useful to reach out to a therapist to work through some of these worries and build a ‘coping kit’ of strategies your child or teen can use independently.

Know the Unknowns

Often, anxiety can come from not knowing what to expect! Many schools offer tours of the classroom the week before school starts and provide opportunities for the children to quickly meet their new teacher.

Another way to ‘know the unknowns’ is to spend time on the school grounds, playing at the playground or even practicing the daily walk or ride to school. Teenagers may benefit from practicing taking the bus to school or walking on their own, or even practicing making their lunch ahead of the first day.

Address any separation anxiety

Many children feel nervous being away from their parents or siblings for an extended period of time (and a whole school day can feel quite long!) Young children may enjoy the book ‘The Invisible String’ by Patrice Karst, and can benefit from talking through ways to stay connected during the day.

Challenge Scary Thoughts

Talk through the worries and practice ‘decatastrophizing’ (Decatastrophizing is challenging our thoughts that make us feel worried. For example, if you’re worried your teacher will be super mean and yell at you on the first day, you might ask yourself: how likely is it that this will 100% come true?) Decatastrophizing is difficult on your own, and is much easier with the support of a therapist or confidant.

When supporting your child, avoid saying “don’t be silly, don’t worry about that!” Instead help your child brainstorm a challenge to the thought. What will actually happen? Help your child think back to other ‘first days.’ While first days can be scary, they often go by quickly and feel positive when they’re done.

Take some time to check in with your child after the first day. You might ask: how did it go? Was it fun? Did it go by fast? Avoid telling your child ‘I told you so!’ once they express relief and share that their first day was positive.

Reconnect with Friends

Often younger children or busy teens will fall out of touch with their friends and supports over the summer. The weeks leading up to the first day of school can be an important time to reconnect with friends and acquaintances, and build excitement for the new school year or extracurriculars.

Reach out for help

If the above tips don’t seem to be helpful, or if your child seems to be experiencing significant distress or anxiety past the first few days, reach out to one of our therapists for support. While a small amount of worry is expected, we can teach your child ways to overcome their worries to be able to enjoy spending time at school and with their friends.