5 Tips to Help Your Child Self-Regulate

The only thing worse than watching your kiddo wrestle with big feelings is feeling unable to help them in those moments. Emotional regulation is one of the most vital skills developed in early life. It is crucial for helping children manage their feelings and reactions in healthy ways. Down the road, it will shape their relationships, their behaviour, and overall well-being. This is a skill which develops over time and the good news is there are ways for parents and caregivers to support children on this journey toward emotional resilience!

Here are practical tips to help nurture this essential skill:

1. Model emotional regulation.

The most evident way that children learn to navigate emotions is by watching how adults manage their own emotions. As you might imagine, a child who witnesses their parent shout in anger is more likely to believe that the best way to communicate or cope with that feeling would be to raise their voice. Alternatively, a child who watches their caregiver navigate tough moments by calmly naming their feelings and practising healthy coping strategies, like deep breathing or pausing to reflect, is more likely to develop those skills as well.

2. Creating a safe space for feelings

Children need to feel safe to express their feelings, whether it is happiness, sadness, anger, or fear. Validate their feelings by taking the time to voice back to them that you have heard them say or seen them express. For example, you might say “I can see that you are feeling very frustrated right now/ I hear you telling me how upset that made you feel and that’s okay.” This allows them to feel understood, encourages more emotional expression and creates opportunity for adaptive emotional exploration.

3. Teach simple coping skills.

Children start out with extraordinarily little insight into what sorts of things will help to soothe their bodies and minds when they are emotionally heightened. We can offer them practical strategies to manage strong emotions. Simple techniques might include four square breathing, five senses mindfulness [link], or taking space/ pause from the problem. These are skills that you might model to them, explain when they are calm and practise together.

4. Use visual aids.

Emotion charts or wheels [link] can help children identify and communicate their feelings. When we lack the words to express our feelings or communicate our needs, our feelings become even more heightened. Children often lack these communication skills and need other tools, which is where pictures, colours, and charts can help.

5. Practice patience and consistency.

Emotional regulation is a skill that takes time to develop. Be patient with yourself and with your child as you both learn. Consistently offer them encouragement and support. Over time, they will build the confidence to manage their feelings more independently.

By offering consistent guidance and a nurturing environment, you help your child develop emotional regulation—a key skill that will benefit them throughout their lives, helping them build strong relationships and navigate the world with greater ease.

Supporting Resources

Сalmerry. (2023, March 23). Square breathing: Practicing Deep Breathing with your kids. Calmerry. https://calmerry.com/blog/parenting/teaching-your-kids-square-breathing-while-having-fun/

Pavlik, T. (2024, September 16). Unwind this Monday with the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique. The Monday Campaigns. https://www.mondaycampaigns.org/destress-monday/unwind-monday-5-4-3-2-1-grounding-technique

Vallejo, M., & Name. (n.d.). Emotion wheel for kids: What it is, benefits, and how to use. Mental Health Center Kids. https://mentalhealthcenterkids.com/blogs/articles/emotion-wheel-for-kids